Estate mediation

Anyone who dares to look a little deeper often concludes that the conflicts that arise usually have little, if anything, to do with the division of the estate itself or with its technical aspects.

It is often about unresolved issues from the past that are played out through the estate—that causes the distress. It may therefore seem obvious that a court should decide the matter. However, court proceedings take a long time and the outcome is not always certain.

Dutch inheritance law is complex. Moreover, judges sometimes have to interpret and ‘colour in’ the law, in which their personal values, norms, beliefs and emotions can play a part.

Judges, too, are only human, so a certain degree of unpredictability must always be taken into account.

For that reason, not everyone wants such proceedings—also because of the costs that you usually have to pay upfront.

It is therefore better and more efficient to talk to one another. But how do you do that if relationships have already been significantly strained?

In that case, estate mediation can offer a way forward. It consists of one or more meetings with you and the other heirs, led by a professional mediator who can help you make agreements.

In doing so, the mediator helps you arrive at a shared language: that you understand what the other person says and thinks, and why—and vice versa. That is an important moment. You do not need to adopt each other’s positions, but you do need to understand what has led the other person to their position.

And often, during mediation, positions soften and change once people feel truly heard.

That attention to underlying motives is not available in court proceedings, or only to a limited extent. In mediation, the spotlight is placed precisely there, increasing the likelihood that you will arrive at a respectful division of the estate together. This remains true even if, having understood each other’s views, you conclude that you agree to disagree and, for reasons of efficiency, resolve the outstanding points in a businesslike manner.

As heirs, you can each bring your own lawyer to the estate mediation, but it is not required—certainly not while the estate mediator is still mapping out what the dispute is really about and what options exist to resolve it.

In addition, the estate mediator gives you and the other heirs the opportunity to consult your own adviser once it appears that a solution may be within reach. That way, each of you can check whether you are agreeing to a good deal.

That additional check is not always necessary either, not least because the estate mediator will always verify with you and the other heirs that you fully understand what you are agreeing to and, therefore, what the consequences of any agreement will be.

If you are experiencing intense emotions and a conflict occupies your thoughts day and night, talking may not feel like an obvious step. But if you dare to look beyond the sense of conflict, you will see that a structured and safe conversation focused on solutions is, at the very least, one of the best options to try.

This does, of course, require that all parties involved are willing to talk under the guidance of the estate mediator and that they commit to listening to the other person’s story (and stories), being open to those perspectives. At the same time, they know that the same applies in reverse and that they are not required to agree with others—but, like the others, they do commit to actively looking for possible solutions, together with the estate mediator.

RWV’s estate mediators are themselves: genuine professionals who understand that life can be painful. They are committed, knowledgeable, experienced and understand conflict. They have an attentive ear and a feel for emotions, beliefs, needs, concerns and interests. They are involved in the well-being of you and the other heirs and are optimistic about reaching an agreement that enables you all to move forward.